Last Monday saw the passing of my mother from this life. She has joined my ancestral hall with my father and the rest of them. Her life, most especially the last 4 years without my father, were hard on all of us but they were terrible for her. She often told me that she felt like she had lost half of herself, her purpose, when he died. She is no longer lost. I will miss her more than words can ever convey, but I am glad that she is finally with him.
This brings me to the meat and potatoes of this little piece: Self-reliance & Perseverance. During this time of grief, I was amazed at the showing of folks, some I barely know, that offered their heartfelt support and kind words. Some of them seemed taken aback my steadfastness and refusal of most forms of help in the wake of this tragedy. Some chalked it up to me being close lipped about my grief, being manly, or just being strong.
I can tell you honestly that I grieve for the loss of my mother, for myself and my brother. That being said, that grief is fleeting. I miss her, but I am not sad. Self-reliance is an important virtue. It doesn't mean that we should shun help when it is needed. It means that you should strive to carry what you can, within your limits, and accept aide only when it is necessary. This is important when you realize that while those offers of help are much appreciated, life is moving on and these other people have their own lives and obligations to uphold. That they are offering aide and love is a wonderful thing, but do not let it be a crutch. Having backup when you need it is awe inspiring, but allowing that aide to keep you from pulling your own weight is reprehensible and disrespectful. Accept the love and help when you need it.
The fact that life doesn't stop for other's applies to you as well. Death happens. It sucks sometimes but your obligations are often INCREASED by this, not lessened. As the eldest son, I now have to act as the main beneficiary and assist my brother in clearing out the estate and handling my mother's debts. Is it fair? No. Would I like a reprieve? Sometimes yes. Do either of these things change the fact that I still have things that I have to do? Nope. Keep on until the job is finished. This is perseverance. If it gets to be too much then of course there is the network of kinfolk and friends from which to draw support, but at the end of the day you still have obligations to meet. The Norns keep weaving and they don't wait.
Hail to my mother, Nina Dunn. She will be missed greatly but I pray that she has found the peace and reunion of my father's presence that she so longed for in her final years of life. I love you Mom.
And of course thank you to all the wonderful people that have shown their support. It truly brings a few tears to my eyes to know that we are so loved by friends and family.
