Tis the Season

Yuletide is nearly upon us.  The time for giving thanks and cherishing all that we have, speaking as an American, is here.  Amid all the talk of family, love, sharing, and thanks is this raving torrent of consumerism.  YOU NEED a new TV, PS4, Xbox One, etc, etc.

I remember when I was a child Thanksgiving was a time reserved for family time, overeating, playing football, and napping.  The day after was for putting up Christmas lights and eating leftover pies.  Now we are inundated with this cultural push to leave our hearths and families ON Thanksgiving to get those deals before the next guy.  Hell, why bother with family.  You have to get that new TV by standing in line for 14 hrs.  Let's not teach our children the values of being thankful for each other and the limited time we share on this planet.  Instead, let's reinforce the idea that what you have isn't good enough.  You have to get better stuff.

I am so glad that I spent my holiday with family that shares this sentiment.  We spent a lazy day relaxing and an afternoon and evening of sitting down to a delicious home cooked meal....not once, but twice!  Good conversation and games were played.  The older I get the more these times mean to me.  I think back to my parents and grandparents playing games with us as kids and I am profoundly thankful for those memories.

As we are beaten in the face with this increasingly ridiculous amount of consumerism during this holiday spirit, let us not forget that Heathenry is a family based faith.  It is a faith that celebrates these moments of connected-ness between us and our loved ones.  Build frith and be happy.  Screw the presents and enjoy good beer, a warm fire, and great people.  At the end this journey it's all that matters.

The Best Laid Plans

As some may know, I have been aiming my sights on getting my nursing degree and bridging from being a paramedic to RN.  Recently this plan encountered a small setback in the form of being rejected from the bridge program that I had applied for due to one of my classes not being accepted for transfer credits.  Life hands you lemons and all that jazz.  This has caused me to come to terms with some things about myself and my future plans.

Concerning myself:  

1) I like plans.  In fact, for some reason, I have grown so attached to the concept of having a plan of action that I get anxious without one...even if that plan involves just staying the course.   

2)  I don't like staying the course.  Over my adult life, I have come to realize that I dislike staying in a situation or place.  I set a plan of action, see it through, and then as soon as I achieve it I immediately begin setting my sights on something else.  Forget resting on my laurels.  I don't take enough time to even acknowledge them.  I can't sit still.

While these two attributes have their good points, they have primarily served to detract from my life.  For the most part, they have kept me from enjoying what joys I have around me in the present.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to better one's standing or lot in life, but to focus so rigidly on the future leads one to ruin.

Concerning my future plans:
I still want to get my RN license.  I briefly considered other areas of healthcare, but RN still seems to be the most sound.   That will be down the road, though.  For now, I am damn near determined to STOP obsessing over the planning and start living again.  Time to support my wife and help her get her own career started.  Does it mean that funds will be tight due to the horrendous pay that medics make?  Yes.  But I will have time, and that is far more important.  Time to be a husband and friend.  Time to enjoy my folk.  Time to create.  Time to be me instead of a worker drone.

In Heathenry, time spent with friends and family is a spiritual affair.  When your plans and obsessions keep you away from taking part in that, you invite a certain kind of soul sickness into your life.  It's high time I remember that.

Sisu.

Unsubstantiated methods and beliefs in Heathenry

After some recent interweb discussions I would like to chime in on a topic that comes up frequently in Heathen/Asatru groups, the subject known as unsubstantiated personal gnosis (UPG for short).  This is the term that many use to refer to a person's own experiences and practice that are not backed by our Lore.  Many times it is used in reference to the many authors out there that espouse methods and worldviews that are not traditionally Northern European but offer it up as a traditional belief or practice, either magical or religious.

As an occultist, I am first and foremost concerned with results.   If a method, however time tested and traditional, doesn't garner the necessary results then I am not going to make use of it (though I will continue to explore it).  The inverse is also true.  I could not care less if the method is only 20 yrs old, if it garners the expected results then I will be using it.  Take note that I am speaking primarily of techniques and tools.  Our ancestors did not have access to binaural beat synthesizers, laptops, or strobe lights.  I do and I have used them to good effect.  Being a magician, in my eyes at least, means being a technician.  There is a problem, I will use the tools at my disposal to find a solution.  End of story.  I highly doubt that our ancestors would have an issue with this.

Please do not misunderstand me, as a heathen I fully understand that our faith is founded on the Lore.  The Lore assists in reclaiming that worldview that is our spiritual heritage.  As such, it is of the utmost importance to study both the written, linguistic, and archaeological evidence that has been left to us to help us understand the world as our ancestors did.  But let us not forget that we are living in a different time with different tools at our disposal.  I say let the Lore guide our interpretations and interactions.

Some might harangue me for using the runes this way, doing a particular ritual this way to honor a god or wight, clearing land, or sacrificing for a need due to their not being any evidence that it was done this way by our ancestors.  I am glad that they know their Lore.  For them I can only offer them this, I am not unlearned nor do I disregard our historical lineage.  Take note, however, that I look at this in the same light as families developing their own customs.  Again, I honor my ancestors, read the Lore, and sometimes can even be a "Havamal Thumper" (Thanks Bodi, I love this term).  But my path to the present has led me down some pretty interesting roads and I have learned a thing or two that works for me.

The takeaway from this long winded and somewhat poorly written diatribe is this:  I think that as long as folks don't preach it as some ancient practice they should be left to their own workings.

In the words of Forrest Gump....."and that's all I got to say about that."

Musings on family

Family.  It is all we have when we come to this world and if you are lucky, you live on in their memory after you pass to the ancestral halls.  Hopefully you are blessed to be born to a loving one.  If not, you still do your best to give your children the life that you may not have had.

Children.  Blessings from Gods.  Biologically speaking they are the reason/meaning of life.  They are how we live on, both genetically and figuratively.  I have none yet, but despite that my father died 5 years ago you can bet money that they will "know" their grandfather.  They will hear stories about the bearded man that would forgo sleep after a long 16 hr foundry shift so that he could play ball with his boys.  They will hear about his love of the woods and hunting.  About teaching his boys to fight, fish, and to not shy away from a day of hard work.  They will know him because he lives on in me.  THAT is his gift to me.  The gift of a parent to a child.  It is also the parents' biggest responsibility.

Children are amazing.  They inhabit a world that is filled with magic and they drink in information like a plant drinks in water after a rain.  They may not be able to always process the info at the time but they have it all the same.  We shape them by our very actions.  It is a bond that transcends damn near everything.  A person will often attempt the impossible if it means bettering their children's lives.  This is natural and right.

We are here for such a brief time.  Cherish those moments and bonds.  Live for them, for they are life.

Self Reflection and Change

Over the last month or so I have become aware of a growing trend within myself.  I am angry and irritable.  More so than I have ever been.  My own wife has made the same observation to me more than a few times and I have thus far refused to acknowledge this.  It has come to a point though that I cannot deny it any longer as in moments of reflection I can see how it clouds my ability to exist and see the beauty in the moment.

In all honesty I have always been a grumpy cynic.  To those of you that know me, this admonition comes to no surprise.  However, over the last year I can truly say that it has gotten much worse.  I think that in many ways, the nature of my work has altered my frame of mind.  In this job you see people at their worst.  People do not call 911 when they are having a good day.  Combine that with the rampant abuse of emergency services by crappy people and long hours with little sleep and it can be a recipe for a crappy attitude.   Somehow I allowed this to come home with me.

In light of this fact I am making a conscious effort to take my own advice and let it all go.  Exist in the moment and be free of the bullshit that I see on a daily basis.

Self reflection is a powerful tool if you can accept the truth.  Sometimes you suck.  Good news is you can change that.

I made add more to this but I think this will suffice for now.

We Weren't Promised a Picnic

I haven't been in a writing mood of late, but here goes nothing.

Moments.  Life is full of them.  Each one inexplicably leads into the next, with never a thought of slowing down.  Some of these moments are breathtaking and awe-inspiring.  Then again some of them just plain suck.  Depending on who you listen to, life can be made up of a lot of one and not a lot of the other.

Sometimes, it's hard to see life as amazing.  Situations arise in which we find ourselves laden with stress of all sorts and feel like you cannot cope with it all.  We have all been there and will more than likely be there again sometime in the near future.  What can I say, life sucks sometimes.  And when it does we tend to find ourselves tied up in knots about the situation even when we are not immediately involved in it.  Essentially taking the problem with you.

One thing that has always helped me deal with those crappy times is to ask the simple question:

            "Is any of this going to matter in a year?

If I cannot say yes to that little question, then I quite firmly let it go.  This doesn't mean that I ignore the issue, only that I realize that the issue is a temporary one and that I should not allow it to tie me up in knots, especially when I am not directly involved in said situation.

From my perspective, we tend to get wrapped up in our little microcosms that we build for ourselves.  We attach self worth to these flimsy constructs rather than deriving them from our own being.  You are not the moment.  You are yourself.  When the moment gets shitty, you are still you.  I can pretty much guarantee that you will still be you a year from now when that moment is barely a memory.  Hanging on and getting wrapped up in the crappy moments in life just serve to detract from your overall quality of life.  Handle the bad stuff but when you are away from it allow it to stay where it is at.....ie not with you.

In Heathen belief there is a pretty important concept: Orlog.  Orlog is basically the primal law and truthiness of the multiverse set up by actions and results of the past.  In my mind, Orlog has always represented those few fundamental "truths" of life.  One main one is that you are not guaranteed an easy life.  Shit will happen and it will oftentimes suck and you with sometimes have no control over it.  The best you can do is deal with it an move on.

It might all be unsubstantiated personal gnosis (UPG) on my part.  I'm ok with that.  All I know is that I am a whole lot happier when I can keep this in mind. 

Life is too short to get caught up in the bullshit moments. Between your ancestors and the gods you stand with unlimited potential. Use it.  

Labor, Suffer, and Live

I haven't been too good on posting here.  Lots of stuff to say but not a lot of time to say it.   Working 100 hr weeks and trying to spend time with the wife makes for little time to write.

Some of my friends ask me why I kill myself doing this?  It obviously isn't a very happy way to live nor is it very healthy.  However, my wife and I have spoken about this at length and we both feel that working this way for the time being can make a big difference in us being able to build the life we want in the future.   The important thing to note here is that despite the long hours and grueling work, my life is still enriched.  

Sacrifice is a part of life.  A devout heathen knows and accepts this.  You must be willing to work and suffer sometimes to get what you want.  Very few things come without a price.  Odin sacrificed his eye and hung from Yggdrasil for what he needed.  The knowledge he gained from this was a boon he used to guide his people.  In our modern lives we are far to coddled.  We do this to ourselves.  We cushion ourselves in creature comforts and hold up in our niches, rarely seeking or striving for things beyond.  This is not a testament to our ancestors' strengths.

Strive, reach, suffer, and conquer.  This journey has hills and valleys.  You will suffer, fail, tire & triumph.  It is all worth it.  We are the culmination of our ancestors' trials and travails, let us show this with our every effort and breath.

Death came a knockin'

Last Monday saw the passing of my mother from this life.  She has joined my ancestral hall with my father and the rest of them.  Her life, most especially the last 4 years without my father, were hard on all of us but they were terrible for her.  She often told me that she felt like she had lost half of herself, her purpose, when he died.  She is no longer lost.  I will miss her more than words can ever convey, but I am glad that she is finally with him.

This brings me to the meat and potatoes of this little piece:  Self-reliance & Perseverance.  During this time of grief, I was amazed at the showing of folks, some I barely know, that offered their heartfelt support and kind words.  Some of them seemed taken aback my steadfastness and refusal of most forms of help in the wake of this tragedy.  Some chalked it up to me being close lipped about my grief, being manly, or just being strong.

I can tell you honestly that I grieve for the loss of my mother, for myself and my brother.  That being said, that grief is fleeting.  I miss her, but I am not sad.  Self-reliance is an important virtue.  It doesn't mean that we should shun help when it is needed.  It means that you should strive to carry what you can, within your limits, and accept aide only when it is necessary.  This is important when you realize that while those offers of help are much appreciated, life is moving on and these other people have their own lives and obligations to uphold.  That they are offering aide and love is a wonderful thing, but do not let it be a crutch.  Having backup when you need it is awe inspiring, but allowing that aide to keep you from pulling your own weight is reprehensible and disrespectful.  Accept the love and help when you need it.

The fact that life doesn't stop for other's applies to you as well.  Death happens.  It sucks sometimes but your obligations are often INCREASED by this, not lessened.  As the eldest son, I now have to act as the main beneficiary and assist my brother in clearing out the estate and handling my mother's debts.   Is it fair?  No.  Would I like a reprieve?  Sometimes yes.  Do either of these things change the fact that I still have things that I have to do?  Nope.  Keep on until the job is finished.  This is perseverance.  If it gets to be too much then of course there is the network of kinfolk and friends from which to draw support, but at the end of the day you still have obligations to meet.  The Norns keep weaving and they don't wait.

Hail to my mother, Nina Dunn.  She will be missed greatly but I pray that she has found the peace and reunion of my father's presence that she so longed for in her final years of life.  I love you Mom.

And of course thank you to all the wonderful people that have shown their support.  It truly brings a few tears to my eyes to know that we are so loved by friends and family.