Self Reflection and Change

Over the last month or so I have become aware of a growing trend within myself.  I am angry and irritable.  More so than I have ever been.  My own wife has made the same observation to me more than a few times and I have thus far refused to acknowledge this.  It has come to a point though that I cannot deny it any longer as in moments of reflection I can see how it clouds my ability to exist and see the beauty in the moment.

In all honesty I have always been a grumpy cynic.  To those of you that know me, this admonition comes to no surprise.  However, over the last year I can truly say that it has gotten much worse.  I think that in many ways, the nature of my work has altered my frame of mind.  In this job you see people at their worst.  People do not call 911 when they are having a good day.  Combine that with the rampant abuse of emergency services by crappy people and long hours with little sleep and it can be a recipe for a crappy attitude.   Somehow I allowed this to come home with me.

In light of this fact I am making a conscious effort to take my own advice and let it all go.  Exist in the moment and be free of the bullshit that I see on a daily basis.

Self reflection is a powerful tool if you can accept the truth.  Sometimes you suck.  Good news is you can change that.

I made add more to this but I think this will suffice for now.

We Weren't Promised a Picnic

I haven't been in a writing mood of late, but here goes nothing.

Moments.  Life is full of them.  Each one inexplicably leads into the next, with never a thought of slowing down.  Some of these moments are breathtaking and awe-inspiring.  Then again some of them just plain suck.  Depending on who you listen to, life can be made up of a lot of one and not a lot of the other.

Sometimes, it's hard to see life as amazing.  Situations arise in which we find ourselves laden with stress of all sorts and feel like you cannot cope with it all.  We have all been there and will more than likely be there again sometime in the near future.  What can I say, life sucks sometimes.  And when it does we tend to find ourselves tied up in knots about the situation even when we are not immediately involved in it.  Essentially taking the problem with you.

One thing that has always helped me deal with those crappy times is to ask the simple question:

            "Is any of this going to matter in a year?

If I cannot say yes to that little question, then I quite firmly let it go.  This doesn't mean that I ignore the issue, only that I realize that the issue is a temporary one and that I should not allow it to tie me up in knots, especially when I am not directly involved in said situation.

From my perspective, we tend to get wrapped up in our little microcosms that we build for ourselves.  We attach self worth to these flimsy constructs rather than deriving them from our own being.  You are not the moment.  You are yourself.  When the moment gets shitty, you are still you.  I can pretty much guarantee that you will still be you a year from now when that moment is barely a memory.  Hanging on and getting wrapped up in the crappy moments in life just serve to detract from your overall quality of life.  Handle the bad stuff but when you are away from it allow it to stay where it is at.....ie not with you.

In Heathen belief there is a pretty important concept: Orlog.  Orlog is basically the primal law and truthiness of the multiverse set up by actions and results of the past.  In my mind, Orlog has always represented those few fundamental "truths" of life.  One main one is that you are not guaranteed an easy life.  Shit will happen and it will oftentimes suck and you with sometimes have no control over it.  The best you can do is deal with it an move on.

It might all be unsubstantiated personal gnosis (UPG) on my part.  I'm ok with that.  All I know is that I am a whole lot happier when I can keep this in mind. 

Life is too short to get caught up in the bullshit moments. Between your ancestors and the gods you stand with unlimited potential. Use it.